UNSENT LETTER

I wrote this days after my stage of depression but i only decided to bring it out now, because I can finally say i'm happier, time really does heal things (no matter how cliche that may sound). And everything really does happen for a reason. In this case, God made room for something better.

Dear You,

I know we didn't last as long as we should've, the memories of you just wouldn't leave my mind. 

You called me selfish for only thinking about myself, you told me that I had to find it in me to let things go that's why you thought I was selfish. But I thought that it was selfish of me because I didn't think that was what we needed, I was selfish for not giving up on you, I was selfish for trying to make our relationship work, I was selfish because I loved you. If that's what you meant by saying I was selfish, then yes, I was selfish. 

Sometimes I still think that maybe you were right, maybe this just wasn't for us, maybe we are tired, maybe all the memories are just really memories. I wanted to fix things. I wanted so bad to call you mine again, but I can't control everything, and even though it hurts so much, I wanna thank you for being part of my life, for the memories that I actually thought would make a difference, but we aren't the same people anymore, I loved you because you were sweet and caring and thoughtful and there were so many things I wanted to prove to you, but that was you, and this is you now and I have to face the fact that you aren't coming back anymore. That there are things in this world that don't happen twice.

Honestly I have no regrets, the only thing I would regret is if we didn't try, but God knows how much we tried, because God knew I prayed every night, I talked to Him to give me the strength to make things work. God knew the plans in my head.

Thank you for letting me see the difference of what I want, and what I deserved. I wanted so bad to make you love me back, I wanted so bad to make it be me again, I wanted so bad to return all the good memories, but I deserve someone who would give me time, someone who would go out of his way to show me how much I mean, how much i'm worth. 

Only now I realized that i'm sure you were wrong about one thing, the time we had away from each other, it wasn't cause we were tired of each other, but we tired of hoping that our relationship would work. You were wrong when you said you loved me but we needed to end things, because if you loved me you wouldn't give up on me, we didn't need to but you wanted to. I still remember all the words you said, all the lies you told me just to try to not make it hurt as bad. 

Thank you for the memories, the heartache, the joy, the love, the days you promised, and the days you disappointed, the days that I wanted to last forever and the days that I was just dying to end, thank you for giving me *insert number* of years of your life with me. Thank you for showing me what I am capable of.